I will never forget the way the ER doctor told me. It was so fast. I mean, we had only arrived at the ER minutes before. I’ve heard so many stories like mine through the years. Child feeling ill for the few weeks before the major event. Thirsty – aren’t all kids thirsty at bedtime?! Constantly going to the bathroom – uh, yeah, same comment. Bed time = stall tactic central in my house. So, like a lot of other parents out there, I hear the complaints but I don’t take it too serious.
And so we get to the dreaded ER visit. My daughter was breathing so harshly, and we had tried her inhaler to no avail. At this point I was thinking mono or something had taken her over. She was wheezing with such force and had her arms above her head. She said “I think I need to go to the hospital or something”. My response was “ok, let me shower first,” and then we went to the ER. The ICU doctor later told me that statement saved her life. To this day, she never lets me live that one down. “Don’t die before mom showers and puts on her makeup”! And that moment pretty much defines me as a diabetic parent – completely and 100% imperfect! I call it the “bad mom of the year award”, and I give it to myself regularly. (I hold a little ceremony, give a speech, it’s fantastic really)
The days following diagnosis, where you have to go through education, those were a whirlwind. Funny story there – my husband and I were taking the test – remember the test to make sure you learned everything? Well he looked at me and said “hey what did you get for number 12,” and my daughter hasn’t trusted him with her diabetes care since. Looking back my only thought is that I can’t believe they expect you to be an expert on this in a couple days! LOL – Seriously – LOL. We are now 7 years in (diaversary this month! – who actually celebrates that shit?) Anyway – 7 years in and we are still learning stuff every day. This was more like a “quick start tutorial” where they leave out all the really important details, and just give you enough to stay alive. I want to go back and give that educator a reality check.
I honestly, at the time, didn’t know what we were dealing with – much like most parents in this situation. Every moment since diagnosis is spent trying to decide if the current situation is that serious. I have full-on conversations with myself. “She’s gonna yell at me, and give me crap, but I gotta do this because she needs it.” I’m a one woman cheering squad getting myself pumped up to deal with telling a kid they need a shot. The reality of it is that this disease, every minute of every day, it’s exhausting and it takes a toll. I’m not super human, my child may never hit that 6.5. But I will keep trying every day to get her there.